One time, I received an email from an incredible momma of five children and she said... 


"I think that there needs to be a shift in societal expectations.


After my 4th baby I really felt like I needed to give up my care, needs, wants for everyone else. 


I remember people coming to visit in the hospital and everyone commenting on how tired my husband looked and asking after him. 


My baby was in the nursery having her oxygen levels observed because they kept dropping. I remember quietly sneaking out of my room at night and slowly going to the nursery by myself to feed her because I felt that I needed to take care of everyone. How dare I let my husband get exhausted. 


I have had my 5th child 7 months ago and I still struggle with guilt of not taking care of everyone else as well as I could pre new baby. 


I appreciate your e-mail as I think I really need to fit me back into the schedule and I shouldn't feel bad about that. 


Yesterday was a rough day so my husband took the children with him to a meeting at the church. After that hour of quiet I felt so calm and rejuvenated. 


I have been struggling with anxiety and it makes me irritable, which I hate (Makes me feel like an awful person), but I didn't feel irritable after that hour. I felt calm and peaceful. 


Perhaps I just need to make more time for taking care of myself. Time for more showers, time for doing more than just a ponytail in my hair, time for washing off my makeup at night, time for getting in exercise, time to have a few quiet minutes to myself, etc.


I have 4 daughters and I don't want them to feel like they suddenly don't matter when they become mothers. They matter and we matter! 


My 8 year old recently asked me if it was hard to be a parent. You try to be strong, but I think she has seen me struggle and I think she needs to see a better example of what is okay even if society says that something else is what is expected. 


I think it should be okay to say that you need more help and not quietly feel like a failure because you need more help and still try and do it by yourself anyways."


I don't think I need to add anything else to this blog except YOU ARE NOT ALONE! 


Thank you for being apart of this amazing tribe. Feel free to respond to this blog, in the comments, if you have any stories or thoughts that could help other mommas feel a little less alone in this journey. 


P.S., If you know a mom going through a similar experience, gift her a Postpartum Care Package.

December 12, 2022 — Kyra Venable

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